


Two Eves

by ssasakii



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, Genderbend, Genderswap, fem!ben hardy - Freeform, fem!joe mazzello - Freeform, genderbend!hardzello
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22999453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssasakii/pseuds/ssasakii
Summary: Is it normal or is it a sin to look at a girl in a certain way?
Relationships: Ben Hardy & Joe Mazzello, Ben Hardy/Joe Mazzello, Lucy Boynton & Rami Malek, Lucy Boynton/Rami Malek
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. I kissed a girl...

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been wanting to write some hardzello genderbend before! I'm really really happy about this and loved it. I've been writing this for few months, (after a lot of revisions and all aha) but totally enjoyed writing every bit of it. I'm happy to finally share it with you all. So I really really hope you guys would love it too.
> 
> This isn't your typical multi-chaptered/one-shot fic, but, as I've said, I hope you guys will love and have fun reading it, nonetheless.

**_I. RED_ **

Bennie never liked to go to University and would prefer to study online but her mum insisted for her to apply and forced her to send out applications to state universities nearby, so she could move out and stay in the dorm. Time for her to grow up and be independent, her mum would say. She even helped her pack her things up and drove her there. 

Upon arriving, and after filling out some more papers, a girl named Lucy ushered her to her room, telling her that she'd be sharing it with someone. Bennie didn't like the idea, she preferred to be alone, but University rules, they had to share a room with another.

Thankfully, the heavens had been somewhat kind to her for her roommate wasn't around. So, she spent all those lone times fixing her things and, hopefully, get some sleep.

The room, painted in white colored walls, was huge enough for two people. It was nice and bright with natural light - white airy curtains draped on a window. But what caught her attention was there was only one full-sized bed available, something she had to share with her roommate. Lucy had told her of it already, because it saved more space and cheaper. Bennie sighed, _at least it was neatly arranged_. 

There was also a mini fridge available with cool magnets and sticky notes glued on its door, and a mini microwave oven placed on top of it, and a little wooden storage filled with snacks and such placed on one side of the wall. There were two study desks (the other one has a computer on it), and a pretty huge closet with sliding doors with a full length mirror hanging beside it, facing one side of the bed. She noticed that her roommate had saved a space in the closet for her already. Although, she wasn’t sure if that was part of the rules to put your things on one side or her roommate had arranged it when they learned that someone would finally break their solitude. Then Bennie began arranging her things inside since she only brought a few.

Putting her own pillows and blanket, she hopped onto the bed - it was quite soft and bouncy, but not as comfortable as her bed back at home. She turned to the other side of the bed, staring at her roommate's pillows. A really absurd idea came into her. So, with so much hesitation, she came to sniff her roommate’s pillows. She felt like a creep but she couldn’t help it, she had to know what kind of roommate she would spend her first year of college with. But… _hmmm…_ the pillows smelled like lavender. Giddiness filled her insides, making her smile uncontrollably. Bennie closed her eyes and basked in its wonderful scent, snaking her arms around it, collapsing down the bed and then… darkness.

The door suddenly banged open, pulling Bennie off her peaceful slumber. She sleepily wiped the sleep off her eyes, fluttering them open only to see a redhead girl with fair skin, snogging some tall - six-footer - lanky guy (She didn't know how long she was asleep). Bennie brought both her hands on her face at once, and yelped like a dog; but her eyes peeking through the spaces between her delicate fingers.

Her sudden short squeal brought the inappropriate couple's attention to her, breaking off from their kiss at once.

The redhead pulled her body away from the guy, licking her lips, and brushing her hand to her long wavy ginger hair, looking breathless.

Bennie stayed still, she couldn't move. She didn't know what to do.

"Later." She heard the tall man mumbled and the redhead only nodded, her eyes motioning for the door which the guy took and left.

_Thank goodness!_ Bennie thought and slowly brought her hands down.

"I'm sorry. That's… I didn't know we got company. That's Gwilym, my boyfriend." The girl said. Bennie just stared, and she didn't know if she gave a nod to acknowledge what she said.

The girl walked over to the bed, extending her hand towards her. "I'm Josephine, by the way. Josephine Frances Mazzello." She smiled. 

Bennie shifted her eyes to the hand, then to Josephine's face, and slowly brought an arm towards, reaching for Josephine's hand and she gently shook them; they were soft. "Bennie. Bennie Jones." She said in a soft voice, flushing.

On the next days, Bennie was still feeling jumpy around Josephine. Yet she found herself enthralled by watching the redhead, how she moved around their room. 

At first, Bennie was uncomfortable by the idea of sharing the bed with her. Good thing, she didn't move much in her sleep. She sleeps like a stone, her mum would say, worried that she was dead, so her mum would touch her pulse or bring her skin close to her nose to see if she was still alive and breathing. Her mum could be like that, exaggerating things. Bennie loved her mum and hated her at the same time. But more of adored her. 

However, if she slept like a stone, Josephine was the total opposite. In their first night sleeping together, Josephine had taken up all the space and her back was pressed hard against hers, and Bennie had to literally turn her body into a stone and be rigid, or else she would be pushed off the bed. Then, last night Bennie felt an arm tangled up around her and Josephine was even tugging her closer as if she's a pillow. 

They rarely talk. Well, most of the time, Josephine did the talking and Bennie only listened, but she would talk if the situation called for it. Situations to say _, "I never had a boyfriend… I never kissed anyone… I was home-schooled…"_

  
  


Until later on, Bennie caught herself staring and watching Josephine when she wasn't looking. The times when she was reading some of her notes, working something in the computer, and when she was sleeping. She watched closely when Josephine talked because she simply looked vibrant and cool. And she was lured by it. She watched how Josephine's hazel eyes did an expression: squinting or widening, along with the frowning or raising of her brows; watched how her hands would sway through the air especially when she was too engaged in her storytelling. And Bennie would just sit there, tongue-tied. 

  
  


She never saw Josephine through the campus, only in the dorm — in their room until one fine day after her short talk with her professor, Mr Hollander. He kept encouraging, or should she say, bugging her to join the Drama Society/Club, only because he thought she'd fit the role in an upcoming play by the end of term. Bennie gave it a careful thought and said maybe she'd give it a try and audition. Mr Hollander was delighted of course. 

She hurried out at once, glad that Mr Hollander would finally stop talking to her about it when somebody called her.

"Bennie!"

She looked around and saw Josephine walking hand in hand with her boyfriend. _What’s his name again? Wily?_

She almost snorted by the thought. But something stirred within her as she saw it; their hands. She ignored it and smiled at her roommate who waved at her.

As always, Josephine looked sexy wearing a gray tank top and low waist jeans, with a red and black checkered buttoned shirt tied around her waist, accentuating her figure, and matching it with black boots. Yet here she was wearing light colored summer dresses, and doll shoes. And looking _boring._

She waited for Josephine to say more but she was already busy talking with her boyfriend, walking away with their hands swaying like a couple should.

  
  


* * *

  
  
**_II. DOLL_ **

Josephine was having mixed feelings towards her roommate, Bennie.

She couldn't understand if Bennie's normally like that or if she disliked her, especially their first encounter wasn't so good, she caught her making out with her boyfriend. Since then, Josephine couldn't brush the thought that Bennie was secretly judging her, although her roommate never gave any signs of it. Well, how would she know? Bennie was just too silent, too meek. Meek wasn't even close as she sees Bennie as stubborn. The blonde never went out of their room, never went to any parties and she never saw her out with some friends. Was it because she was home-schooled? Hence, the only place Josephine had seen Bennie was their room and then nowhere. 

She tried inviting her to a party once, but like what she expected, blondie said no. And not only that, she was always the one who would initiate a conversation yet ended up doing most of the talking, since Bennie would only speak if she asked her something. So, Josephine had to always try and come up with a question, even a simple _'right?'_ , just to get at least a _'yes'_ or _'no'_ or an _'I don't think so'_ from Bennie's mouth.

Lucy, her friend would tell her that maybe Bennie was just a shy girl, so maybe she should give her more time until she could open up. "Don't be too hard on her. She seemed nice and sweet." Lucy would say.

And her friend was right. Bennie looked really sweet, almost a doll, with her quite wavy, (or were they curly?) blond locks; pale soft skin which she had touched, rather, held a couple of times, only because she usually mistook Bennie as a pillow and snuggled into her in her sleep; she smelled like vanilla and strawberries. Then she had these doe-twinkling-green-eyes that matched her light summer dresses and vintage doll shoes. Yes, she literally looked like a doll came to life. 

"Do you think her mother's name is Barbie and her father's Ken?" She asked Lucy one time, receiving a hearty laugh and a light smack from her friend.

Josephine found Bennie sitting on their bed one evening, with her back resting on the board, and her knees bent close to her chest. And just like before, she was reading something. But instead of a book she was holding a folder. Josephine wondered if the doll noticed her came in. 

So she dropped her bag quite loud, then began changing into more comfortable clothes — a loose peach shirt and a pastel flowing shorts — making sure to make some noise by thumping her feet, and thudding the closet doors shut. She turned and Bennie was still immersed with whatever she was reading. Josephine couldn't help but smile to herself hopelessly, shaking her head. _Why was she even trying to catch her attention?_

"Hey!" Josephine propped herself, jumping onto the bed beside Bennie, lying on her stomach and leaning on her elbows. She looked up at the blonde, resting her chin on her hand and waited for her roommate to look at her, who blinked in surprise. Josephine noticed the very slight fidget of her skin. 

“What are you reading?” Josephine asked. Her eyes ran to Bennie’s delicate nose, and surprisingly plump and pink lips which formed a small 'o'. Then she looked back to her innocent green eyes.

“S-script.” Bennie stuttered.

“What?” Josephine sat up, at once, making Bennie shift a little. If she happened to be a turtle, Josephine thought, she had hid in her shell by now. She peeked on the paper, leaning her head towards, catching a whiff of Bennie’s strawberry scent, but still keeping a careful distance.

“I auditioned.” 

"Really? Drama club?"

Bennie shifted her eyes to her and nodded. Her movements were gentle.

"May I see?" Josephine asked, a little eager.

"Sure." Bennie handed her the folder and Josephine flipped through it. The title of the play was _'A Midsummer's Night Dream'_ , a Shakespearean play. She wondered how Bennie auditioned and got the role. _How?_

There's only one way to know.

"This is cool! Let me help you memorize your script." Josephine grinned. And she was glad to see Bennie smiled. "Really?" 

She bopped her head. 

Bennie was to play the character Hermia. So Josephine would only be reading the lines of characters surrounding Hermia. Hermia was entangled by two men aiming for her hand in marriage but Hermia was in love with Lysander and Lysander was in love with her, though Hermia's father wanted her to marry Demetrius, her other suitor aside Lysander. But the play has four plots connecting to each other.

Josephine scooted closer to Bennie so to share the script with her and they read aloud the lines. But in the middle of their dialogue exchange, they would snort in giggles and laughter, not because the script was funny (though it was a comedy) but because of how they were trying to put feelings into it which sounded funny.

Josephine was almost laying her head on Bennie's shoulder from laughing so hard, a hand on her mouth. Then, with her soft ginger locks brushing against Bennie's shoulder, she pulled her head up and turned to the blonde. "All right… Now…" She started, trying to calm herself. "Could you show me a sample of how you auditioned? I'm really curious. Don't tell me you played Romeo and Juliet?"

"I did!" Bennie said, her doe-eyes lighting up. And Josephine began laughing again. 

"Oh Romeo! My Romeo!" Josephine playfully, grazed her fingers on Bennie's chin, smiling slyly.

Bennie's green eyes flickered and a playful smirk appeared on her full lips. "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" She held Josephine's face, and looked at her in the eyes. Josephine held a breath, Bennie's hand was soft against her cheek and she's holding it tenderly despite the sly on her face, but Josephine couldn't look away, slowly she inched closer. "Deny thy father and refuse thy name." Bennie continued, drawing her more as she caught a whiff of her intoxicating scent, or maybe it was her wonderful British accent. "Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love; And I’ll no longer be a Capulet." Bennie finished.

Josephine looked into her green eyes, she could almost taste her sweet breath as sweet as her scent. Her lips slightly parted, with her fingers reaching for the blonde's wrist, melting on her soft skin. "...Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" Josephine whispered.

After saying those words, she felt soft, quivering lips against her parted ones. And her hand settled on Bennie's arm, holding it gently, moving her lips just as softly. Wanting more, she grazed the tip of her tongue against Bennie's lower lip taking it in her mouth, sucking it's softness, blowing her mind; she inhaled deeply. Her hold on Bennie tightened as she pulled her closer, kissing her more when she heard a moan. Her eyes shot open, and she pulled off at once. _She was kissing Bennie._ Or did Bennie kiss her first? She couldn't remember. She stared at Bennie wide-eyed, watching as the latter slowly opened her eyes and her cheeks turning pink. Josephine gasped, bringing her hands on her mouth, still feeling the warmth of Bennie's lips. "I'm sorry," she said almost a whisper, and hurried out the door.

* * *

**_III. DEMETRIUS_ **

Bennie spent the whole night alone; Josephine never came back until the next afternoon. The pile of homework had somehow helped her not think about the kiss. 

Tension hung in the air when Josephine suddenly barged in even though none of them dared to speak. Not, at least, a greeting. Bennie busied herself with her homework, trying to brush off the awkwardness surrounding the room. Josephine didn’t stay long though, she left after grabbing some things, shutting the door behind. Bennie exhaled the breath she had been holding, turning to the door. Remembering the incident yesterday, she couldn't recall who kissed first. But it was nice. She absently pursed her lips.

Her willingness to finish her homework before the weekend arrived, disappeared. The room — her solitude and safe haven — seemed to close in on her by the sudden rush of dejection. Josephine didn’t want to talk to her. _Why did it feel like it was her fault? That kiss which accidentally happened. But was it accidental?_ Blowing another sigh, she brushed her hand through her hair, dropping her homework at once and stood. She took her purse and left.

It was her first time strolling along the University without any purpose like going to class, or seeing a prof. The cool evening breeze brushed against her skin, making her calm. She sat on a bench under a tree and stared at the darkening sky.

She's learning to love staying here. She should thank her mum. She went to feel for her phone and took it out and dialled her mum's number, placing the phone to her ear. She waited.

_"Bennie, darling."_

"Hi, mum. I missed you."

_"Did something happen?"_

_Yes, I kissed a girl._

"No. I'm… I just wanna thank you for forcing me to come here." She lightly chuckled, grazing her teeth on her lower lip. 

_"I missed you too, Bennie. I sometimes ask myself if I did the right thing sending you away."_

Bennie laughed. 

"See you soon, mum."

_"See you soon, hun. Love you."_

"I love you too."

She ended the call. She needed her mum. ‘ _Don't be a kid.’_

"Bennie?..."

Bennie turned and saw a guy with brown hair, he looked familiar.

"Bennie, right?"

Bennie bopped her head. "Yes."

"It's me, Allen, from drama. Remember? Demetrius?"

Demetrius, his character.

"Oh hi!" Bennie exclaimed, smiling.

"What… er, what are you doing here?"

"Just sitting."

Allen chuckled. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Where are my manners... come have a seat." Bennie scooted, giving him a space.

"Oh. No, thank you. I'm just about to go grab some snacks, and then I saw you. Wanna come?"

Bennie looked around and hesitated. Maybe making some friends wouldn't be so bad. "Sure."

They went to a nearby 7-Eleven store but Bennie just roamed her eyes around, not planning to buy anything.

Allen grabbed some junk foods and coke, Bennie helped him carry them. Then they hang around a little in the booze section. She had never drunk before. She's slowly realizing how sheltered she was.

"Is that allowed?"

Allen turned to her as he grabbed a beer. "Yeah. Don't worry I only drink to de-stress."

"You mean you drink when you’re in distress."

Allen chuckled. "You're funny. I like you."

Something twisted in her stomach. _He likes me?_

"Oh. N-not really." She mumbled, brushing some of her strands behind her ear, flushing. 

They went to the counter and Allen paid for everything and carried the bag. "Thanks for the company.”

“No problem. Had a little fun. Thanks for the _coke_.” Bennie lifted the coke-in-can slightly, smiling. 

“Uhm… I'm actually alone in my room, y’know. So if you're not busy. We can maybe hang in there and practice our lines?"

"I'm sorry. I still got to do some homework. Good night."

"Oh. Studious are we?" He chuckled. "See you." 

“See you.” Pursing her lips, she turned and walked back to her room.

* * *

**_IV. TOUCH_ **

Josephine was surprised to see their room empty one time. No traces of Bennie around, and it was like that on the next days. Her roommate would sometimes come back late at night when she's already asleep, only seeing Bennie by her side the next morning. 

But she still never talked to Bennie. 

She remembered telling her boyfriend, Gwilym, about the kiss.

"She kissed me." She was laying on his broad chest, tracing imaginary lines along it with her fingers. _Or maybe… we kissed._

Her boyfriend only chuckled as he caressed her hair. "What's it like?"

"Weird." She mumbled _. But nice._

She avoided Bennie for another few weeks until she noticed that her roommate seemed to finally have a life of her own other than staying in their room. She didn't know why she hadn't tried asking her to hang out (again), but it seemed impossible because of their different schedules and Bennie would probably say no (again). Though, thinking about it now, why doesn't she give it another try? _‘Not a chance. She's probably busy with her play rehearsals.’_

One evening, both Bennie and Josephine were busy with their own homeworks and studies. It was their first time — since _'the incident'_ — being together in the room. Josephine realized that she missed her presence.

"How's the rehearsal going?" Josephine asked, speaking to her roommate again after a month or two. They were seated in their desks that were stuck on the wall and meeting quite closely to the corner, so Josephine had to turn around so she could see Bennie whose eyes were focused on her textbook.

"It's going well." Bennie said.

Josephine trailed her eyes to Bennie's textbook and it was highlighted in pastel colors and looking neat. Then she turned back to her material and it looked messy filled with scribbled notes and some doodles. She felt a little ashamed, wanting to hide her notes from Bennie's eyes, even though her roommate wouldn't surely (not to mention, care to) peek.

"Josephine." Bennie called.

She stiffened. And something seemed to tug in her chest. It was the first time she heard Bennie call her; she never heard her speak her name. But the way Bennie mentioned it: _Josephine_. She almost didn't recognize that it was her she's calling. It sounded like a different name, a beautiful word in her tongue. She wanted to hear her say her name again. So she didn't turn; she waited.

But Bennie didn't call again.

That night where everyone was already deep in their slumber, Josephine stood by the edge of the bed, lights out, watching Bennie sleeping so soundly. She really looked like a doll. Was she even real? Josephine was tempted to touch. Bennie even looked more wonderful beneath the dazzling moonlight peeking through the windows.

Josephine crawled over the bed, stopping beside her. She held her breath as she reached and delicately touched Bennie's face. Feeling her soft skin, she felt electricity oozing from the tip of her fingers down to her spine. She knew she had already touched or did more than just a simple touch on Bennie's skin, but this felt like the first time. She stopped, taking her hand off her beautiful face, exhaling softly, closing her eyes. _What are you doing, Josephine?_

She slowly opened them and stared at those plump lips. She then temptingly brushed her fingertips along it, and warmth washed over her body. A different warmth as if she wanted to lie next to her, to keep her body even closer to her.

She pulled her hand away as reality hit her. _This is wrong._ She, then, went to settle herself on the edge of the bed, away from Bennie as possible. _Why do they have to share one bed?_

The next morning she found herself on Bennie's side of the bed, hugging her roommate's pillow close to her chest. Bennie was gone.

* * *

**_V. LIPS_ **

It happened so fast, Bennie found herself entangled in a romantic bliss. But she hadn't made anything official with Allen yet, though they batted eyes across the stage, during their rehearsals. 

Turned out, Hermia was infatuated with Demetrius.

With the lingering touches and words hanging, Bennie was left gasping. She secretly chased Allen, as if he's air she needed: getting to know his interest, asking him questions; subtly brushing her skin against his; be lost with his smile and listen to his stories, and laugh at his jokes. The feeling of anticipation lingered as she waited for him to say those three words that he liked her too, and looking forward to that kiss. The feeling was addictive, and she was willing to risk just for it to stay. _Is this love? Is this how love felt? Is she in love?_

They were at the back of the stage, finished with their rehearsals for the day. Bennie was sitting on a platform and Allen standing by her side. She tried to contain her excitement by looking calm.

Until...

"I like girls." Bennie heard herself saying after Allen asked her why she hadn't had any boyfriends yet. It's a fact she was just learning. She smiled coyly, seeing the slight surprise from Allen. Though, not willing to let him go, she said, "But I don't mind kissing boys." She bit her lower lip, and played her eyes to Allen’s own. He smiled and hesitantly inched closer. Bennie held her breath as her fingers, carefully, touched his face. She waited for Allen to close the gap between them. And she closed her eyes welcoming his mouth on her lips. His kisses were eager, surprising her; his tongue poking her mouth and forcing inside her. And she let it in, trying to match his kisses. Yet it felt strange. She was looking for something, though she didn’t know what. So she waited. They kissed and kissed.

Feeling his hands crawling under her dress, she broke away gasping, panting hard. Her fingers were clumsy against his cheeks.

"What's the matter?" Allen muttered.

Bennie was asking the same question when Josephine suddenly came to her mind. Remembering how her lips felt against hers: gentle, warm and yearning.

"You're… you're not her." She said, lifting her gaze to him.

Allen looked at her questioningly.

"Excuse me." She whispered and brought her body down the platform and ran away. 

She ran back to the dorm. She wanted to see Josephine.

*** * ***

Nothing could ever explain the relief she felt seeing Josephine in their room, on their bed.

"Josephine!" She called. She caught Josephine fiddling her fingers on a pillow _, her_ pillow. Bennie flushed. _'She's holding my pillow.'_

Josephine froze as if she was caught doing something illegal. But Bennie ignored it and hurriedly jumped on the bed, crawling towards her.

"Bennie." Josephine said, surprised.

Bennie knew she was acting strange, but she couldn't keep herself. "I wanna quit!" She threw her head on the pillow ( _her pillow)_ that was resting on Josephine's lap. Bennie hesitated but sleekly placed a hand on one of her thighs; her head was facing Josephine's stretched legs, not wanting to show her her reddening face.

"What happened?" Josephine asked.

Something stirred inside Bennie, making her cheeks burn as she felt Josephine’s hand on her hair.

"I… I can't do it." She mumbled.

"Hey, that's not how you quit." Josephine began brushing her hair. And _Oh! She liked it. She basked in it._ It's different than when she was kissing Allen. It’s different compared to when she felt his hands crawling against her thighs — she didn't like it. But what Josephine was doing — playing her fingers through her locks sent pleasure to her; a comforting yet tingling one. It was the same addictive feeling she wished to stay.

"H-how do you feel when you're kissing your boyfriend?" Bennie suddenly asked.

The hand stopped, but was still on her hair. "What do you mean?" 

"Do you like it?"

"Yes."

Bennie rolled her head, facing upwards, meeting Josephine's gaze. Her eyes settled on her rosy lips. "Does it make you feel things?"

Josephine stammered. "Y-yes. In a way, it does."

"In what way?"

"I'm… in a sort of bliss." Josephine shifted her gaze as if thinking, her eyes far away. "Feeling lost but in a good way." The corner of her mouth curled up. "I like it."

A pang hit Bennie. Was she jealous? She gulped the pain down. "How about mine…" Josephine looked at her, meeting her eyes. "When we kissed… how did you feel?"

* * *

**_VI. CRAVE_ **

It took a moment for Josephine to answer when Bennie asked her about the kiss.

"I don't know, Bennie. It was sudden. It was a mistake." 

Why was Bennie asking her these questions all of a sudden? Though she didn't want to force the blonde to speak of it.

However, Bennie just turned silent. Her twinkling green eyes became dull as it glanced to the side, speaking sadness. Slowly, she pulled her head off the pillow.

"What's wrong?" Josephine asked. Bennie was worrying her. And Josephine was surprised that she was concerned.

"I'm tired." Bennie crawled out of the bed and began removing her dress as she stood by the closet. Josephine never really mind if they undress in front of each other but tonight, she found herself staring, watching the beautiful doll as she stripped down to her lacy panties. Her eyes resting on her well rounded bottom. Josephine mindlessly dug her fingers against Bennie's pillow that was resting on her lap. She shifted as she felt moist down her panties. It was suddenly hot. She swallowed. 

Dragging her body, she bolted towards the refrigerator to get a bottle of cold water and drank it down. She refused to turn back to Bennie whom she heard mutter a good night. She slowly pulled the lips of the bottle off her mouth and exhaled. Closing her eyes she began chanting...

_Gwilym… Gwilym… Gwilym… He's who I want..._

Yet she was thinking of Bennie's lips, her green eyes, her skin… her smell… 

Her voice… How she calls her name… _Josephine._ Making it sound wonderful…

… Her _bum._

_'How about mine…_ _When we kissed… how did you feel?'_

Josephine opened her eyes, at once. She turned to Bennie, her body immobile on the bed.

_Want…_

_The kind I shouldn't be feeling._

_The taste I crave more than my boyfriend's lips…_

An answer she would never tell. The feeling she would never act upon.

She changed into her pajamas and slept. Keeping her body away from Bennie. She never dared to watch her sleep again or else she might never stop herself this time.

The next morning, she woke up still in the same position she was in before she fell into a dreamless slumber last night, but with Bennie's arms snaked around her and her face buried in her hair. 

* * *

**_VII. QUIVER_ **

Time flew by so fast, not giving Bennie the time to breathe. Exams week has come, their final term coming to an end. So students were cramming with term papers, essays and reading their notes. Bennie hasn't gotten a decent sleep since then. Her drama rehearsal would continue after the finals, and she decided not to quit despite what happened between her and Allen. They began selling tickets for the forthcoming play, and thankfully, despite the coming break, many students still bought; Bennie gave Josephine two tickets, so she could bring her boyfriend with her. 

And after a hell of those weeks, exams were finally done!

Bennie had successfully submitted all the requirements needed. And she also helped Josephine with some of her papers, and she was more than happy to do it for her - turned out, despite the stress of studying and getting ready for exams, it was her favorite as she got the chance to get closer with Josephine. 

Rehearsals resumed after. Allen never talked to her since after their kiss — _The kiss that she could call a mistake. Not her and Josephine's —_ but they chose to keep their professionalism during practice, so they could give a good show and a good performance. Although, she began hearing whispers among her drama peers and felt their eyes on her. She overheard someone saying she’s gay; perhaps, Allen was salty because he failed to keep her on her toes.

_Yes, she’s gay. Gay for Josephine._

Practice had taken more and more of Bennie’s time as the show got closer. She usually came back to her dorm so late. And one night she saw a few luggage and boxes piled on the corner - Josephine’s stuff. _‘So, she’s leaving soon.’_

Bennie made it her habit to keep her body close to the redhead before she sleeps. The thought of her leaving scared her. And by morning, she would find herself all snuggled up to Josephine, the times she didn’t want to get up, but she has too. _Maybe she should've just quit._

She, reluctantly, pulled her body from Josephine’s hold, and since the latter’s arms wasn’t too tight around hers, it was easy, and she would replace her body with her pillow (the same pillow she caught Josephine holding that night), something Bennie began doing, in the last few days.

“Bennie?” A low muffled voice.

She was just about to get off the bed when Josephine called, she turned. Josephine still had her eyes closed, face half buried in her pillow.

“Yes?” Bennie said when the redhead didn’t speak.

Josephine only mumbled and never moved.

Bennie felt a thud in her chest, she hid a smile. She wondered if Josephine was dreaming about her and she hoped it was something good. Though, the pile of bags and seeing their room almost half empty brought sadness to her. 

She tried to focus on the practice, tried engaging with her mates. They talked about their plans for the coming break after the show. Some of them were going home, and some would spend it with their friends: going on a trip and such.

“How about you, Bennie? What are your plans?”

“Go home. Spend it with my mum.”

But she was thinking of Josephine, maybe she should try and suggest for them to go on a trip, or see some beaches. And it'd be just the two of them. She couldn't wait. 

Yet, she still got a play to perform.

Bennie couldn’t keep still as the week of their performance got closer. Her nervousness never subsided since then. She couldn’t even find the will to sleep, especially on the night before their play, so she tugged on Josephine, shaking her.

“Josephine?” She whispered close to her ear, some of her golden strands falling over the redhead’s face.

Josephine sleepily moaned, her lips parting. Bennie held her breath by the sight. Her eyes ran to the shape of her bare collarbone, down to her white chest that was tad exposed with the deep neckline of her shirt, showing her cleavage, lightly pressed together, defining its fullness. Her bosom wasn’t too fleshy but it was round enough, not too big and not too small. Bennie flushed, catching herself ogling. Was _it normal? Or was it a sin to look at a girl in a certain way? To admire her body and feel your insides turn warm?_

*** * ***

Bennie finally met Josephine's group the next morning. Gwilym ( _not Wily?_ ), her boyfriend. Lucy (the same girl who toured her around the dorm and ushered her to her room) with her boyfriend, Rami. 

It was a surprise visit before the show when Bennie was in the middle of wearing her costume.

“Good luck, Bennie!” were Josephine’s words before they parted. And Bennie kept replaying those words in her head, instead of her lines, giving her readiness to perform, she was even excited.

* * *

**_VIII. PLAY_ **

Josephine sat there, silently lost in admiration for the play and Bennie's performance. She didn't know Bennie could act. Maybe she had misjudged her a little with her refined gestures — very careful and meek. But watching her right now, there was no doubt why she passed the audition. 

She suddenly remembered the night she caught Bennie practicing her lines and she volunteered to help her with a hidden intention to know if her roommate held a secret distaste towards her. Her hand that was holding her boyfriend's, unconsciously, tightened as she held back a smile. _Her simple intention turned to something more._ She absently licked her lips. And there was a sudden swell in her stomach; she slightly fidgeted. Her heart was strangely beating, as she watched Bennie on stage with new eyes, the kind when you see your crush.

She felt her chest tightening as the play was coming to an end, and she found herself praying that she wouldn’t see Bennie kiss someone by the end of the play on stage, even though it was just part of the act. The thought of it caused her heart to drop.

So, her relief was just unutterable when the show finally ended and no kiss had happened.

The play lasted for a few hours.

Josephine found herself going back to watch the play the next day, with Lucy joining her again. Well, she asked for her company. She lied to Bennie when she asked for more tickets which she paid this time, telling the blonde that some acquaintance of hers wanted to see the show. She kept her motives a secret. She didn't know why. So, she dressed in disguise and sat a bit far from the stage but enough to see Bennie clearly.

“You’re going to watch her again?” Lucy exclaimed when she learned that she’s going to see it for the third time.

“Yes. What’s wrong about supporting your roommate?” Josephine shrugged.

Lucy chuckled. “Wow! I’m glad that you two are getting along so so well. Gwilym must be jealous.”

“Why? There’s nothing for him to.” Josephine almost choked. She gulped.

“Well, let’s suppose, Gwilym is the one performing in that play, are you going to support him how you support Bennie?”

"No. But I would give you the same support if you happen to be there." Josephine winked and Lucy cooed, hugging her tightly.

It was smooth, but there was more underlying reason she refused to admit, as to why she kept coming back.

On the final show of the play _‘A Midsummer's Night Dream’_ , the audiences doubled and Josephine waited for Bennie on the backstage after. She held a breath as she saw her coming from the exit - she’s already out of her costume, wearing a beige shirt and faded jeans. It was new, but she was still as breathtaking. Josephine managed a smile.

Bennie’s eyes widened seeing her, the corner of her full lips curling up at once, then she half ran, almost leaping to her and Josephine stood frozen for a second thinking Bennie would hug her, but she only brought her hands to her arms. Though that simple touch was enough for Josephine's knees to weaken.

“You came!” Bennie exclaimed.

Josephine blushed. “Of course, I can’t lose your final performance. You’re even better.”

“Thank you.” 

“What’s with the shirt and jeans?”

“Oh,” Bennie tucked some strands of her golden hair behind her ear, glancing at her outfit, “I tried something new. Don’t you like it?”

“No, I actually like it.”

Then they just stared at each other, smiling almost happily. Bennie biting her lips, and looking at her like that. Josephine almost tugged her eyes away, but the blonde seemed to hold it. _Was it only her? Or there was really something in the way Bennie was staring or maybe she was only seeing the world through rose-colored glasses in her presence._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. ...And I liked it.

**_IX. BREAK_ **

Bennie dreaded being at home. She dreaded being in the confines of her room for the first time. 

Maybe she dreaded to be in any place without Josephine. 

She missed her and it has only been a week of summer. _Could she ever survive?_

"Haven't you met any boys?" She remembered her mum asking her the day she was driving her home.

"You're the weirdest mum, most mothers would be worried their daughters are only making out with guys than studying for their exams and the first thing you ask is if I met any boys? Of course, I did. Unless you brought me to an all girls University." Bennie snapped. She held her tongue. They were silent for a moment.

"I'm relieved, Bennie. I'm relieved to hear you say that. Perhaps there's nothing to be worried about."

"I did meet one, mum." Her voice was silent. "We didn't work out." 

Her mum only nodded in understanding but Bennie wanted to say more. To tell her about Josephine, not only as a friend but a girl she was having feelings for. Feelings she has yet to tell.

She remembered that she and Josephine never exchanged digits. Not until that final day they part ways. Josephine slipped something in her hands before waving goodbye. Bennie remembered how her heart almost stopped beating seeing it's her number, but until now she had no courage to call or text her. She didn't know what she'd say. Until her mum planned a trip to the beach.

"Can I bring some friends?" She asked.

"Of course. Of course. I'm actually worried you didn't make any friends. Who are they?"

"I meant a friend, mum. She's Josephine. She's my roommate." She could feel her insides or were they butterflies going wild within her by finally mentioning _Josephine_ and telling _her_ to her mum. She had to control herself to keep from talking more about how Josephine was beautiful, sweet, and nice. 

"Sure. I would love to meet her." Her mum said.

Bennie could feel her cheeks warming as she beamed.

She excitedly ran to her room like a teenager and jumped with her stomach on the bed. And with the loud drumming inside her chest, and shaking hands, she dialled Josephine's number. She had to take deep breaths as she waited for her to pick up. After two rings, she did. She rolled over, lying on her back, facing the ceiling.

_"Hello?"_ Came Josephine's voice from the other line. She sounded confused.

However, Bennie's voice seemed to leave her. She only managed a puff.

_"Hello?"_ Josephine called again.

Bennie inhaled a mouthful of air and exhaled, "H~i!" 

There was silence. Bennie couldn't stop the beating of her heart, she wondered if Josephine could hear it.

"I-it's me. Bennie." She choked, her voice high.

_"Bennie! Hi! I'm so glad you called!"_ Josephine chirped.

_Really?!_ Bennie wanted to say.

"I'm sorry. I…" _I missed you…_ "... was busy resting."

Josephine laughed. _"That's good. You should catch some sleep after those rehearsals. How are you?"_

"Fine, I guess. I'm going to the beach with my mum. Yourself?"

_"When? I am planning to go on a road trip with my boyf—with Gwil, and Lucy."_

Bennie took note of her hesitation to say _boyfriend._

"Oh. That sounds fun!" She tried to keep the enthusiasm in her voice.

_"I'm actually thinking of asking you to join us… But maybe we can move it after your trip with your mom."_

"What- No! No, no. It's all right. Thanks for the thought. Maybe we can do it next time."

_"Sure."_

"The two of us." Bennie said almost quickly. "S-See you, Josephine." 

_"I missed you."_

Bennie almost missed the last words Josephine said as she hurriedly hung up. Now she regretted it. _Did Josephine really say she missed her?_

It took all of Bennie's strength not to call again, but she found herself texting: _I missed you too._

Then she, impatiently, waited for Josephine to reply. Until she got tired.

* * *

**_X. STARS_ **

It was strange. Josephine wasn't all too happy to be with Gwilym on this road trip. Somehow, Lucy had helped her brighten it up, but something's missing. And she realized it after receiving a good morning text from Bennie. 

She was in the tent, buried in Gwilym's arms, their bodies only covered with a thick blanket. Bennie sent her a picture of her holding some glass of juice with a straw and the beach as her background. She looked as lovely, wearing those glasses and some floral beach dress and a cute straw hat.

She replied: "You're looking good with the boho look. Good morning!" 

Then she wanted to say…. _Wish you were here._

"Who's that, babe?" Gwilym murmured as he pulled her closer to him and began kissing her neck. She pulled away.

"I'm not in the mood." She sat up and went to put on her clothes they just threw haphazardly inside their tent.

*** * ***

Josephine tried to enjoy the whole trip, basking in the beautiful scenery, taking pictures and kissing her boyfriend from time to time, and laughed with Lucy and Rami.

It was fun somehow but maybe it would be different with Bennie beside her.

She called her one night. As she stared at the countless stars in the middle of nowhere. Gwilym and her friends were inside their tents already deep in their slumber.

"I'm sorry. Have I disturbed your sleep?" Josephine asked, surprised that Bennie picked up.

_"No. Not at all."_

"Why are you still up? It's late."

_"I can tell you the same thing."_ Bennie chuckled lightly. _"You called."_

"I missed you." She couldn't help it, it's all she could think of. 

_"Why?"_

_Why?_ Josephine frowned a bit. Why was Bennie asking her why, but she realized she didn't know the right thing to say. _'I want to see you,'_ she thought.

"I just… missed you. Don't you miss me?"

_"Of course I do. I actually wish you could join me. It's pretty boring to spend it only with your mum."_

Josephine chuckled. "Right."

_"Where are you right now?"_

"Somewhere deep in the Grand Canyon. It's beautiful. All the stars."

_"Yes. And we're staring at the same stars."_

"Don't tell me you're not in your hotel?"

_"No. I was just about to go back when you called. So I'm still lying here listening to the waves. Don't you hear it?"_

Josephine heard movements from the other line until she heard the faint sound of the crashing waves.

_"You hearing it now?"_ Bennie called. Josephine guessed that she turned it to speaker mode, because of the sudden noise in the background.

"Yes." She sighed. "It sounds lovely to be there with you right now."

_"Oh please."_ Bennie moaned. And Josephine could feel the yearning. She closed her eyes, imagining the waves and Bennie beside her.

"Turn the speaker off, Bennie." 

There was another movement then Bennie spoke, _"It's off now."_

"What's your position?"

_"Sitting beside the waves."_

"Go lie down. Let's stare at the stars. And see if we're really seeing the same stars."

Bennie giggled. Josephine loved hearing it. They sound like wedding bells. She flushed at the thought and tried to brush it off.

_"I'm lying down now."_

Josephine smiled.

_"You think we're looking at the same stars?"_

"Yes. This world is too small for them."

_"But you seem so far away."_

Josephine could only sigh. Then they began talking about constellations and pointing at the figures as they traced the stars. The fact that they're under the same sky felt like Bennie was just beside her.

* * *

**_XI. FALLEN_ **

Bennie was restless. She had been pacing around the house as she arranged everything she needed for her little camping with Josephine.

It has been a week since she got back from the beach, then Josephine called her a few nights ago wanting to meet up and hang out. They agreed to have a picnic first but a day wouldn't be enough for Bennie so they decided on camping.

"Bennie, can you please stop for a moment? I'm trying to concentrate here." Her mum said.

"I'm looking for the napkins." Bennie continued to walk around, going back to the kitchen, then to the dining.

"You left the napkins here." Her mum called from the sitting area. She went back and found the set of napkins on the study where her mum was working. She grabbed them, and stood in front of her. "How do I look?"

Her mum stopped with whatever she was doing in her laptop and regarded her a moment, slightly pulling her glasses down with her fingers. Then she smiled. "You look like an angel."

Her cheeks turned rosy. "You think so?" She wore a white dress (with ribbon straps) that ended a few inches above the knees and some vintage looking shoes she bought from a thrift shop.

"Yes. Are you sure you're only going to camp with Josephine?"

Her muscles tensed by the mention of the name. "What do you mean?"

There was sly on her mum's lips. "You know? Not a date?" 

She blushed. Did her mum know she liked Josephine? Was she that obvious?

"She has a boyfriend." She uttered.

"Oh. I'm not asking about her. I'm asking about you. Maybe you're hesitant to introduce him."

_Oh, so that's what her mum meant about the date. She was expecting that they're going to, secretly, bring some guys with them. Couldn't she be more original?_

She almost rolled her eyes. "No. It's just strictly me and Josephine. If you’re concerned we’re going to bring some guys, no."

Then the doorbell rang. 

"She's here!" Bennie jumped and hurried to the door. She wasn't sure if it was her feet that were heavy on the floor or if it was the loud drumming inside her chest. Her fingers weakly turned the knob and she thought air got knocked off her lungs seeing Josephine, looking pretty on her yellow summer dress and white flats.

Bennie couldn't feel her legs until she was locked in Josephine's embrace. "Bennie!"

She was sure her face turned red. 

Josephine soon broke off, straightening her clothes. "Good day, ma'am."

Her mum spoke behind her. "So you're Josephine. I've been hearing a lot about you."

Josephine flickered her eyes to her and Bennie hid a blush. She should've warned her mum about it.

"Hope they're good things." The redhead chuckled.

"They are."

"Wait! My stuff!" Bennie exclaimed and turned but she saw her mum already got the basket and her bag in her hands. She flushed, and embarrassedly took them. "Thanks mum."

"I brought my truck with me." Josephine said, pointing to an old Chevy truck parked in the driveway. She helped Bennie and her mum place her things there.

Her mum gave her truck a pat. "Is she in good condition?"

"Yes." Josephine smiled.

"All right. Stay safe you two."

"See you, mum!" Bennie kissed her mother goodbye and settled inside the truck and they drove away.

"I didn't know you own a truck," Bennie said, watching Josephine focused on the road. She looked cool taking the wheel. "... and you can drive."

"I just got this after the road trip a week ago. But I took my driving lessons and driver's license last year before I got to College." 

"So, this is a test drive."

Josephine laughed. " _No,_ I've tried driving this before we bought it and drove it around for a day after, if that helps."

"A day. Only a day." 

"You scared?" Josephine glanced at her. Bennie didn't answer, but she couldn't deny that she was half-agitated. She checked her seat-belts.

"Don't worry. I won't let harm near you, okay?" Josephine, suddenly, reached for her hand and squeezed it. And it was enough for Bennie to feel at ease and completely safe, but it didn't fail to make her heart flutter.

"I trust you." She muttered.

Eventually, she found the drive to their destination fun. Josephine was a careful driver, could be a little reckless but still careful. They blasted some music and sang along to _‘Ho Hey by The Lumineers’_ . Bennie could feel her heart bursting as she sang the lyrics out loud: " _I don't think you're right for him... Hey! Think of what it might have been if we…_ " 

And her voice got louder as she sang the part…

" _I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart… I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart…_ "

She stared at Josephine who was completely unaware, as she sang along with her, that she's being secretly serenaded. Singing was good, Bennie thought, it conveyed and helped her express the feelings she couldn't say.

Then, as their travel went on, Bennie would take a picture, using her digital camera, of the view outside or sneak a picture of Josephine when she wasn’t looking. She also recorded them a video — she liked how Josephine tried to be cute in it. And they would laugh and be silly in it. They talked, but Josephine was the one who talked more and would crack some jokes making Bennie laugh out loud, especially when she made those funny faces as if she wasn't aware how beautiful she was. She's just perfect! 

Bennie felt completely at ease to be herself towards Josephine as if she had known her for a long time. She's usually conscious about how she looked, how she moved, how she talked, but with Josephine, she never felt worried at all; even if she threw her head back and cackled loudly, she knew she'd be all right and would never be judged. Josephine's so nice and comfortable to be with as if nothing else mattered, like the problems in the world looked minuscule and insignificant. And Bennie knew she had completely fallen right then and there.

_How lucky Gwilym was for having Josephine in his life._

* * *

**_XII. PRINCESS_ **

The lake gleamed like glitter under the afternoon sun. Josephine took in its beauty while she sat under an Oak tree, over a picnic mat, surrounded with the food they brought.

She watched Bennie from afar who kept taking pictures. She looked heavenly and she's even wearing white. 

She remembered back inside the truck, while she was driving on the way here, how Bennie looked bubbly. Her heart sang seeing that other side of her; she's literally a princess. How she shifted from looking so fragile to someone who sang out loud with her, crack jokes and laughed with her but still she moved with grace. Josephine didn't know how she did that and all she could do was stare. 

She loved how Bennie’s white dress flew along the breeze and her golden locks glistened under the sun. _Thinking of wanting to be with her seemed like a silly dream to have._ Bennie deserved a prince. Not a common lady like her. There was a sudden drop inside Josephine but she tried not to entertain it and ruin the perfection before her.

"Josephine." There she goes again, calling her name, never failing to stir her soul. She was just happy she's here with her. 

"Come back here!" Josephine called instead. And Bennie hesitated and paced back to her. _How innocent she looked!_

"What?" 

"Nothing." She shrugged, sly was in her eyes.

Bennie never left her gaze on hers as she sat down, and Josephine trailed her eyes to her lips.

"Smile." Bennie suddenly brought the camera to her face and it was too late for Josephine to smile.

"Cute." The blonde giggled. Josephine flushed and tried to snatch the camera shouting a let me see but Bennie refused to show her the picture.

"Maybe it's awful so please delete that!"

"No. You look cute here. I'll print this and stare at it before I go to bed."

Josephine blushed. "Y-you won't do that."

"I will."

"No, you won't."

"Well, I do that."

Josephine blinked. _What?_ The red on her cheeks was still high. 

"Okay, I will delete it." Bennie mumbled, her fingers fumbled through the camera.

"No. Don't. I-if you really like it." 

Silence completely surrounded them. It was awkward. _How were they going to survive this little camp? And they even had to spend the night in a tent._

_Josephine missed sleeping with Bennie (though)._

To cut the awkwardness that never ceased, Josephine took an apple and let its sweetness melt in her mouth.

She dared a glance at Bennie who was looking at the lake.

"You want to swim?" Bennie muttered.

"Later. It's too hot."

"The better."

"Then put on some sunscreen."

Bennie turned to her smiling, Josephine almost choked on her apple. "You sound like my mum," Bennie said.

"I-is that a good thing?" 

"Kind of." Bennie shrugged and looked back to the lake. " But you're the sweeter version."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Bennie turned back to her and held her gaze, smiling that smile. Josephine couldn't understand why she was looking at her like that but she couldn't keep her gaze away. Then Bennie's green eyes flicked on her apple, and reached for her hand, holding it delicately as she pulled it towards her mouth, taking a bite. She, then, hummed savoring its juices, closing her eyes. Josephine felt her body getting warm by the sight, and she was certain it's not from the sun's heat, she looked away.

"Sweet." Bennie chuckled, as she chewed the apple, and licked her lips. She finally let go. 

They went to take a swim later that afternoon, already in their swimsuits. They splashed water at each other and floated under the remaining afternoon sun. And by the closing dusk they collected enough wood and lit a fire and roasted some sausages, barbecues and later some mallows. 

They talked about things, about their respective trips: the beach and the road trip; they also reminisced about their childhood and talked of all the what ifs: What if they were braver back then? Knew what they wanted in life? What if they understood that life wasn't all about rainbows? What would they do? Would they live a different life? And they asked each other if they had a chance to live a different life, would they? And what would it be? 

They also talked about their college life, its perks and their professors, and had some good laughs; Then they talked about their first impressions of each other. Josephine told Bennie how she felt sorry for she had to catch her making out with Gwilym on her first day, and Bennie admitted it was actually quite a welcome; And Josephine finally confessed how she thought Bennie hated her because of it, and Bennie told her no, she never felt that way and that she actually found her cute, making Josephine blush. But they never talked about those times they watched the other in their sleep and how tempted they were to kiss them. 

* * *

**_XIII. BARE_ **

"I broke up with Gwil." 

Bennie almost missed what Josephine said. They're laying inside the tent that Josephine brought, already in their pajamas. The light of the moon served as their only light; a thick blanket and the heat of their skin served as their only warmth. 

Bennie didn't know what to make of what she heard. The news kind of shocked her. 

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

Josephine chuckled softly. "Aren't you going to ask why?"

She flushed. "No. It might be painful to talk about."

"I don’t know. I was the one who called it off."

Now, that's more surprising. "When? Why?" The words suddenly slipped off her tongue receiving another laugh from Josephine.

"Last week... I don't love him anymore maybe." 

"Maybe? How could you say so?"

"His kisses don't excite me anymore."

Bennie suddenly remembered Allen. How his kisses didn’t arouse her, but she knew why; she liked kissing Josephine more.

"Is it really just about his kisses? Are you just going to leave someone because they don't excite you anymore?"

"My love for him left me. I don't know for how long. I feel like I'm just being with him because I get used to it…" She paused, there was a hang in her words as if wanting to say more, but then she said, "I can't lie to myself anymore. Can't live pretending."

Bennie only hummed "...I'm sorry for him."

Josephine lightly chuckled. " _Yeah._ But we're still friends. We came to an understanding that we don't love each other anymore. It's time to go our separate ways."

Bennie turned silent for a moment, she hesitated. "Did-does it still hurt you though? Is that the reason you planned this trip?"

"No." Josephine shifted, Bennie wasn't sure if the redhead turned to face her but she didn't dare look. "I want to be with you," Josephine mumbled. "You're the reason."

Everything became still inside Bennie, even her heart, but her mind seemed to lose by what she heard despite the softness in Josephine’s voice; her fingers numb against the silk of her top. ‘ _What does she mean by that?’_

Bennie felt the slightest touch of a finger on her chin, holding it up. Her throat ran dry, she didn't know if she was breathing. Josephine made her look at her, moving her face closer. Bennie couldn't move, her soul seemed to part from her body. She couldn't feel herself until warmth touched her lips. And her world melted. She slowly took Josephine's lips in hers. This time kissing her for real. Her hand held her face as she slightly pulled her body up. And they kissed and kissed. Bennie couldn't stop, she just wanted much of Josephine. She leaned on her body more, breathing against her lips when Josephine slowly broke away, her hands cupping her face. Their eyes still closed as they savored their tastes. But they knew it wasn't enough. 

Cautiously, Josephine gave her light kisses, poking her lips against hers. And another then another until she sucked her lower lip, gently licking it. Bennie gasped, parting her lips and Josephine shoved her tongue inside her and explored her mouth. _Oh!_ She breathed. Bennie took hold of her ginger locks as she felt her body collapsing. And they never stopped. Their hands began to wander through their burning bodies, touching the areas that heightened the fire within; areas they thought they weren’t supposed to touch, removing what covered it, exposing their skin under the faint glint of the moonlight over their tent.

Bennie let herself be devoured by Josephine’s kisses and caresses, letting the redhead feast on her nakedness, while she helplessly laid there, moaning and begging as if in drought. Until she felt a hand on her wetness, she gasped Josephine's name and her body stiffened. Nobody had touched them except her. And that thought caused her insides to turn, but in a pleasurable way; her cheeks getting even hotter. She had always dreamed of Josephine's hand in hers as she stroked herself when she's alone in their dorm and now it's happening. _Oh my God! Is it happening?_

Josephine noticed her discomfort and, much to Bennie’s dismay, she removed her hand. 

“Don’t.” Bennie choked.

“Are you all right?”

All Bennie could manage was a nod, she looked at Josephine, biting her lips. And with a flushed face she confessed how she hasn't been touched yet, making her more or less a virgin. Embarrassed by her little confession, she received deeper kisses from Josephine. 

“Touch me.” Bennie whispered, almost begging. She searched for Josephine’s hand and placed it in between her thighs.

"Just tell me to stop if it’s too much and I would." Josephine whispered against her lips. 

Bennie wrapped her arms around her, taking her lips in her mouth again. "Don't."

* * *

**_XIV. HOME_ **

Josephine was lost. It seemed fast. The morning she woke up seeing Bennie in her arms, the question came: _What is she and Bennie?_ _What are they?_

Bennie woke up a little later, giving her a kiss on the lips and all the lingering worry left Josephine at once. What she felt that moment was the importance of having Bennie by her side, and everything else didn't matter.

They began packing their things and placed it in the truck; everything was done in silence but lingering stares, knowing smiles, and fleeting touches. The happenings last night were still fresh and burning in their skin.

The travel back home, too, was silent. Maybe they're just tired but Josephine found comfort in Bennie's company, even in silence. _Maybe this was what home felt._ The blonde has her head sticking a bit out of the window as she stared at the surroundings. It was a beautiful sight.

_Is she for real?_ Josephine often asked herself.

They never spoke of last night.

She got to Bennie's home by eleven, stopping in front of the driveway.

"Thanks Josephine. I really had fun."

"Me too."

They stared for a while as if waiting. Then slowly, they both leaned closer until their lips touched; they kissed.

Bennie broke away, pursing her lips; giving her one last glance, bidding her goodbye before she took the door.

"Wait." Josephine interrupted. They lingered. _Were they supposed to kiss again? "_ Let me help you with your things." 

"Oh," Bennie mumbled and added. "Thanks."

_'Oh?'_ Josephine thought, and the butterflies in her stomach turned wild _. 'Is she really expecting another kiss?'_ Maybe she should give her another one before they part ways.

She helped carry Bennie's stuff and placed it on the porch.

"So see you?" Bennie said stopping in front of her.

"See you." Josephine smiled. _This was the part where she should kiss her…_ yet she couldn't. But she so wanted to take her in her arms, when Bennie suddenly stepped forward and planted a kiss on her cheek, causing her to turn stiff. The door exactly opened revealing Mrs Jones catching them; seeing her daughter giving her a kiss. Josephine froze.

"We just came back." Bennie said, turning to her mother.

Josephine slowly turned and there was something in the way Mrs Jones was staring, though, she decided to give it no mind and pretend everything's fine as if there was no affair going on between her and her daughter.

"Good day, Mrs Jones. Thank you for letting Bennie come with me."

"Of course, Josephine. Thanks for driving her home. You wanna stay for lunch?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I need to go."

"You take care."

Josephine smiled and turned to Bennie, saying her name, “Bennie,” as her goodbye before she ran back to her truck and drove away.

On her way home, Josephine thought of proving herself to Bennie's mom, that she deserved to be with her daughter. To show she's serious about her.

* * *

**_XV. MOTHER_ **

"Are you certain that Josephine is just a friend?"

Bennie almost choked her dinner by her mum's sudden question.

"I didn't mean nor want to put any malice in your friendship but I couldn't help but feel like there's something you're not telling me. And as your mother, I have the right to know."

There she goes again with being her mum and her rights. But maybe it's time Bennie has to let her know how she felt for Josephine. She parted her lips but her voice escaped her. She never imagined it would be this hard. What if her mum disgraced her and disowned her? But she decided. This was now or never. There was a loud drumming inside her chest. It took her a moment to speak, though she hated how her mum was even patient. She couldn’t ignore the feel of her gaze on her.

"I... I like her, mum." She slowly lifted her eyes to her mum. She felt like a grade-schooler confessing some grave thing she did.

"Oh Bennie." Her mother reached for her hand. "Is she your girlfriend?"

This time Bennie choked and she coughed a bit. Her mum waited. She hated how her mum’s trying to remain and keep the calm when the tension hung strongly between them. 

"S-sort of." Bennie muttered after drinking water. She realized she didn't know what she and Josephine were. She only knew they liked each other. _And that's what only matters, right?_

"I've talked with Josephine earlier, since I noticed she's been giving flowers or food everytime she visits. I had a feeling that she’s not doing it simply as a friend. So, I asked her, 'Do you like my daughter?'." Her mum paused as if waiting for her reaction. But Bennie couldn't hide her little discomfort; her insides turning.

Her mum continued. "She said yes and I like how brave and sure it sounded. Then she asked for my permission to let her prove herself to you and me. I told her not to, but to take care of you and love you, not to make you cry, cause you're my only angel."

"She never told me about this." Bennie mumbled. She couldn’t believe it. Though, she could feel her heart bursting in so much joy. How she wanted to drown Josephine with more kisses; she thought her kisses earlier wasn’t enough to show Josephine how happy she was for simply having her in her life. 

"Maybe she doesn't want to ruin her chances. But I'm telling you this because I want to hear it from you. How you feel about her. And I would lie if I told you this isn't shocking me. It is. But I thought if she's what makes my Bennie happy then who am I to take her away from you."

"Oh mum!" Bennie felt hot tears forming in the corner of her eyes. She’d give the world to Josephine and her mum. And she could never think of a more perfect mother but this woman in front of her. Her other hand reached for her mum's that was holding hers and squeezed it. "I love you so."

"I love you best, Bennie."

* * *

**_XVI. YOURS_ **

Clutching two bouquets of red roses in hand, Josephine stood by the door of the Jones' household and knocked three times.

Bennie's mother, finally, opened the door. There was a tiny hint of surprise in her eyes as she saw her. Was she expecting someone? Josephine wondered.

Josephine managed a smile, despite the drum-like beating inside her chest. "Good afternoon, ma'am," she choked.

She knew it would never be easy to face Bennie's mother even though she had already told her true intentions to her daughter.

"I came here to properly ask Bennie out on a date." Josephine, then, swung one of the bouquets towards Mrs Jones and said, "And these are for you."

"Thanks, Josephine. These are wonderful."

Josephine only smiled. How she hoped she'd say yes. She bit on her lower lip, trying to hide her nerve-wracking nervousness. _So, God help me._

"I know we've talked. But what if I say no, Josephine? You can't date my daughter."

Josephine tried not to waver and show her sudden hopelessness. And she found herself saying (she didn't even know where she got the courage or how the words formed), "Then I will go back here tomorrow and the next day, then the next, giving you flowers and asking your approval to take your daughter out on a date, until you say yes."

She looked at her eyes but she saw no changes in them. Her heart was so close to breaking but she refused to back down.

_So be it…_

"Come in, Josephine." Mrs Jones finally said and signaled for her to go in, so, in she went and she was asked to take a seat.

"Make yourself comfortable, and I'll just call Bennie." She smiled, and Josephine could feel every limb of her body melting, she couldn't help but smile happily.

"Thank you so much!"

"Perhaps, Bennie had told me you would come."

*** * ***

"So you talked with my mum." Bennie’s voice was soft. 

They were at the back of Josephine's truck parked in the middle of a desert, lying on some comforter the ginger set up as their makeshift bed. The cool evening breeze swept around them.

Josephine let out a deep breath — her head on Bennie's lap, her eyes closed — afraid to move. "Yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm scared you'll be mad at me for telling her how much you mean to me." She paused, gathering her thoughts. Josephine knew she had done things all on her own without telling Bennie about it, even what she did earlier, asking for Mrs Jones' permission to take her out. "I just wanted this-us to be perf—" She was cut off when she felt Bennie's mouth on hers, kissing her slowly, making her heart race. 

Bennie broke away. “Thank you, Josephine.”

Josephine opened her eyes to meet her gaze, cheeks red.

“Because I, honestly, don’t know how I’m going to tell her," Bennie added, leaning down for another kiss; her fingers stroking her jaw. “How am I going to do it without you?”

After hearing those words, Josephine grabbed Bennie’s face and kissed her more; their tongues colliding and breathe of pleasure escaped their lips. _‘You already got me,’_ she wanted to say but she hoped her kisses were enough.

"I love you." Bennie moaned.

At once, Josephine broke away, staring at Bennie wide-eyed.

"What?" Bennie looked worried, but beautiful nonetheless.

"How could you say those words so fast?" Josephine slowly sat up.

"I'm sure about it." 

"I-I don't even know what we are."

"It doesn't matter. I'm yours."

Josephine was speechless and amazed by how sure Bennie looked right now. She also held strong feelings towards Bennie but she thought it was too soon to say those three words yet; almost unbelievable.

"Bennie, you matter to me too. So much so, but—"

"I want to let you know that I love you. It's all right if you're still unsure of how you feel about me. That's how I feel. I love you, Josephine."

Josephine could feel herself melting. How did she deserve someone as pure as her? When did she become so lucky? 

The corner of her lips slowly curled up. "That relieves me, Bennie… I'm glad I found you first before anyone else, if you say those words quickly."

There was coy in Bennie’s smile, she bit her lip.

"Come here." Josephine reached for Bennie — tracing her fingers from her cheek down to her chin, pulling her closer, and kissed her sensually. She loved how Bennie giggled against her lips. 

"I know I'm screwed."

"Screwed with my kisses." Josephine mumbled as she kissed down her jaw.

Bennie giggled again, then she went to caress her ginger locks. "I want you," she moaned.

Josephine felt her face heat up along with her body. Then her hands, carefully, crawled underneath Bennie's dress, down to her inner thighs, and going deeper. 

Bennie gasped. " _That's_ not what I meant."

"I'm sorry." Josephine broke away, flustered, but one of Bennie’s hands was still cupping her face.

"I want us to be official.” Bennie said, stroking her cheek with her thumb, her green eyes searching. “That's how sure I am with you."

Josephine looked at her lovingly. And she'd never been so certain with anyone as well. She never regretted her decision from leaving Gwilym, and being brave enough to face Bennie’s mother and telling her how she felt for her daughter; walking blindly with fear as she did those, willing to risk it all for Bennie. She was sure she made the right choice in choosing her. 

"Then you're officially mine." She said with every bit of herself, with every bit of her soul.

They smiled, their eyes twinkling brighter than the stars that slowly greeted above them, and they kissed again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that concludes my fic!
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading. Much love! x
> 
> PS: I’m actually planning to write some headcanons for this specific fic which maybe I’m gonna post in my tumblr ([here](https://cardyandy.tumblr.com/)). Or maybe if inspiration or idea hits me, I’ll also write more genderbend!hardzello fics in the future. aha.
> 
> Please let me know what you guys think or how you feel about this fic over the comments as it will really means so much to me. ♥


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